When I was 55, I took up horseback riding. My wife, Kelley, is a lifelong equestrian. I am not.

Equestrians talk a lot about developing “feel” and connectedness with your horse. It’s not a motorcycle, where you kick start the engine, put the bike into gear, twist the throttle and go. It’s a living, breathing 1200 pound animal with feelings and experiences that you need to develop a relationship and understanding with.

My wife had her horse and so after a year of riding other people’s horses and buying one horse that was not the right horse for a beginning rider, we bought my horse, Indigo. He’s a good horse. Like any horse, he has his faults, but he’s a good horse. I just didn’t know it.

I took a lot of riding lessons from a lot of great instructors. And each one gave me something to build on. Having been around dogs my whole life, but not horses, I learned that the horse’s way of being is quite a bit different than dogs.

Four years went by and I took up the sport of team cattle sorting. Watching others compete on horses that were responsive to the cattle and the sport made me realize that Indigo and I were not connected enough. I took up more lessons with a horse trainer who excels at team cattle sorting.

After a few months of lessons, he advised me to sell my horse. That Indigo was dull to my leg and resentful. That was true.

I went home and told Kelley. The next day, without telling me, she made a few phone calls and hauled Indigo over the hill for an assessment by Ariane Vasquez and her father, Jean Charles Sarre, a father-daughter team of horse trainers. They both rode him. By being with him, cueing him appropriately, and rewarding with the proper response at the right time, he livened up and became responsive.  Their opinion… “There is nothing wrong with this horse... except rider error.”

Kelley trailered him back home and informed me of what she had done. The next day I rode Indigo and he was in fact a different horse. Lively and responsive. The following day, he was a little less so. And on the third day, he was dull and resentful.

Right then I learned, it wasn’t Indigo. It was me. There was something that I was doing that was shutting Indigo down. So I knew I needed to learn from Ariane and Jean Charles.

Ariane, like many horsewomen, is forthright and outspoken in her opinions and comments.

So during our second lesson together, about halfway through, she called out to me, “Bruce, are you having fun?"

"I do not believe you are having fun! Your horse is being a good boy. Tell him!" 

"Stop micro-managing the reins. You do not need to do that when he’s being good. 90% of the time he is being good. Tell him that."

"When he’s not being good, tell him that. But go right back to praising him as soon as he’s being good.”

And right then, the lesson clicked. I was looking for 100% perfection. Any little miscue and I was on him about it. And of course, nothing was ever quite perfect. Once I learned to reward the “try” and effort, then his whole demeanor changed. 5 years later, we have a whole new relationship, Indigo and I.

So, I’ve learned a lot about managing people by learning how to manage and motivate my horse. I’m sure my employees wished I had taken up horseback riding 20 years earlier and learned this lesson much sooner. Of course, I always wish I knew 20 years ago what I know now.

However, now you’re getting the benefit of what I’ve learned. My goal is that you’ll put it to good use earlier on in your life than I did in mine.

So I admit it. I’m a perfectionist. I like the feeling of accomplishment. I like becoming competent at something. I like to get things “right”. I know I’m not alone in being this way.

At the same time I’ve had to learn, that while things can always be done better, that I need to celebrate with my team what we got right. That, over time, in our business became 99%!

Could I get better at celebrating what we got right? Absolutely! And I’m still working on that.

*****

Find out more at Good Times, Bad Time, You Know I've Had My Share.